Know Your Partner’s Love Language For a Strong and Long-Lasting Relationship
Written by; Lindsay Hoffman
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Love is a language that can be expressed in so many different ways. When you have that special someone in your life, you want to do everything you can to show how much you love and appreciate them.
Just like love can be expressed in different ways, so can receiving it. You and your partner’s personalities can be completely different from one another, resulting in you feeling love in different ways.
According to Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages®, expressions of love can be shown in five main ways:
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Words of Affirmation
- Physical Touch
By learning to recognize these preferences in yourself and in your loved ones, you can learn to identify what makes them feel special and valued. You can also learn to identify the roots of conflict within your relationship, connect with your partner on a deeper level, and truly begin to grow closer than ever before.
Therefore, it’s important to recognize your love language may not be the same as your partner’s. Unless your primary love language is the same, you can’t assume they’ll react the same way you would have to that certain love language. You need to learn how to respond to your partner’s primary love language so they will recognize the love and connection you have with them.
Curious to know what you and your partner’s love language is? Take this quiz to learn which love language you respond to the most.
Now that you know both of your love languages, the next step is to learn how to express them. People grow closer in their relationships when they choose to consistently speak each other’s love language, so here are a few easy ways to do that.
Acts of Service
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For these people, actions speak louder than words. You don’t just want to hear about how much your partner loves you, you feel loved when your partner does something nice for you.
To express your love through acts of service, you could make a meal for your partner after they’ve had a long day at work. Or if your partner hates vacuuming the house (or insert chore they hate here), do it for them as a nice surprise. Do something for your partner before they ask you to do it, it shows them you’re doing your best to make their life easier.
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For some people, receiving a heartfelt gift is what makes them feel most loved.
If this is your partner’s love language, don’t worry about going all-out with huge gifts like a diamond necklace or an extravagant vacation. Grand gifts like this are appreciated, but it’s not budget-savvy to give your partner these gifts regularly.
The smallest of gifts can show your partner that you love them and are thinking of them. A single rose, their favorite candy bar or snack, a cup of coffee from their favorite coffee shop, or even a handmade gift will make your partner smile and feel appreciated.
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This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention. These people want to spend time with their partners above all else, especially when partners have different schedules and don’t get to see each other often.
Spend quality time with your partner by taking them out on a date! Make time in your schedule to take your partner out for a night on the town, or stay in to watch their favorite movie. In most cases, your partner won’t mind what activity you decide to do together, as long as you’re together they will feel loved.
Words of Affirmation
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This language uses words to affirm other people. They need their partner to express their feelings for their partner verbally.
The obvious way to express words of affirmation for your partner is to tell them “I love you” often. Otherwise, compliments and positive expressions are also great ways to tell your partner how much you value them. For example, tell your partner “I appreciate all the work you did today,” or “You have such a wonderful smile.” Just tell your partner how great they are and the reasons why you love them every day!
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To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate physical touch. They want to be close and intimate with their partner, but not always in a sexual way.
Besides the obvious intimate ways couples express their love for each other, physical touch can be shown in more innocent ways. The simple act of holding hands or giving your partner a hug are easy ways to show your partner you love them.
One creative way to express love through physical touch can be cooking together side-by-side and giving each other gentle touches on the shoulder or back.
Another is to take a dance class together. Surprise your partner with a dance style that involves being close together; use the language of your bodies to communicate how much you mean to one another.
While the language of love isn’t limited to just these five points, it’s a great conversation starter on how to build a strong and lasting relationship with your loved one.